Kingdom Hearts: That’s Illegal, You Know?
by Sonata-Time-Nocturne-Flare-Aoi
Summary: Some pencil-necked dweeb and his Moogle are going around the various Kingdom Hearts universes and harassing and wrongfully arresting your favorite characters. Tell us whom you want these two jerks to visit and we'll make it happen! Let the LOL's begin!
1. Chapter 1: Illegal Activity

**Story**: Kingdom Hearts: That's Illegal, You Know?  
**Authors**: Master Jin Sonata & Time Master  
**Written**: April 28th, 2010  
**Genre**: Humor  
**Rating**: T (Language, Mild Violence)  
**Disclaimer**: I do not own Square-Enix and/or Disney, but I do own the jerk that's messing with your favorite characters.

* * *

**Chapter 1: Illegal Activity **  
**Hollow Bastion**

An echo of footsteps could be heard for several blocks away as a newcomer made his way into the quiet city of Hollow Bastion. Sporting curly-powder-white hair, a suit that's been out of style since the 1700's, skinny figure and wire-rimmed spectacles, this middle-aged cretin…er…I mean, _**gentlemen**_ had come for one reason and one reason only…

"**I'm going to hunt down any person or thing suspected of illegal activity and bring them to justice. Oh how juicy this endeavor will be. Wouldn't you agree, Mog?" **said the man.

Standing beside him was indeed a Moogle, wearing a 1930's gangsters outfit, complete with a brown trench coat and hat to hit its Pom-Pom on its head.

"**Kupo,"** Mog responds, flashing a pair of handcuffs from his outfit.

"**Excellent. Let us begin the hunt,"** said the dorky-gentlemen.

"**Kupo,"** Mog replies with a nod, following the man deeper into the city.

* * *

**What is this man's motive? Who will he target? And how will the various Kingdom Hearts characters react to him? The stage has been set, and now it's your turn! Send us your ideas and suggestions via a review and tell us who and where these two sleaze-bags will harass within the various Kingdom Hearts universes! Stay tuned, and let the hilarity begin!**


	2. Chapter 2: That's Illegal, King Mickey

**Chapter 2: That's Illegal, King Mickey! **  
**Disney Castle**

* * *

It was a bright and beautiful day at Disney Castle. The birds were singing, the flowers were blooming in the courtyard…everything was perfect…

…until those two bastards showed up.

King Mickey was enjoying some free time to himself, lying out in the grass and letting the warm sun soak him over. Then, two shadows appeared and interrupted his private moment. King Mickey looks up at the man and his Moogle and raised his eyebrow.

"**Huh? Can I help you two gentlemen?"** King Mickey asks them.

The dorky guy smiles wryly as he pulls out a thick book and starts flipping through the pages.

"**Rodents like yourself shouldn't be ruling over the citizens of this universe. That's illegal, you know?"** the man says to King Mickey.

"**What? Rodent? Just who do you think you are, pal?"** a now slightly agitated mouse asks, getting up off the ground and standing up to the suspicious duo.

"**You heard correctly, Rat King. All other species have dominion over pests like yourself. It's says here in my law book,"** the man tells him.** "That makes you unfit to be ruler for this point on. Consider yourself ejected from the throne as of today."**

"**Say WHAT?"** King Mickey said, jaw unhinged in disbelief of what he was hearing. **"You can't do this! Guards! Guards!"** he calls out.

"**You need not worry about your security. They've been taken care of already, right Mog?"** the man asks his little partner.

"**Kupo,"** the Moogle responds, pulling out a smoking shotgun from his coat and reloading it.

"**This is an outrage! I'm calling my lawyer!"** Mickey says to them, shaking his fist in anger.

"**Your lawyer won't help you, especially since you're also hording drugs. That's illegal too, you know? Mog, plant the evidence,"** the man tells him.

"**Kupo Kupo,"** Mog responds, sticking a bag of drugs in King Mickey's Pocket, taking a snapshot of him with it, then slapping cuffs on the mouse.

"**Oh golly…Minnie's not going to believe this,"** said King Mickey, feeling defeated at what was going on with him right now.

* * *

**Hollow Bastion**

Meanwhile in Hollow Bastion, Cid, Yuffie, Leon, and Merlin were in their HQ scouting the lands for anything interesting, when Cid finds an interesting article on his computer.

"**Hey guys and gals, check this scoop I found,"** Cid says to everyone in the room.

"**Huh? Whatcha find, Cid?"** Yuffie asks, as she and the others gathered around him.

"**It says here: 'The fraudulent King Mickey was arrested this morning and charged on suspected drug possession',"** Cid said out loud, reading the article.

Everyone in the room stopped and looked at one another before the information finally sunk in.

"**WHAT?!"** everyone said simultaneously.

"**King Mickey hording drugs? Hmm, that is not like him…"** Merlin responds, stroking his beard in thought.

"**Wow…I would have never known…"** Leon says, half-amused.

"**This is just too weird, ya know? I gotta find out more on this and see who's in charge of this so-called investigation,"** Cid says, starting to ticker away at his keyboard to look up more info.

* * *

**Ouch! Poor Mickey…I wonder how he's going to explain this to his wife & friends.**

**Send us your ideas and suggestions via a review and tell us who and where these two sleaze-bags will harass next! Stay tuned, and let the story continue!**


	3. Chapter 3: That's Illegal, Ursula

****

Chapter 3: That's Illegal, Ursula!

**

* * *

Atlantica**

Deep within the seas of Atlantica, the oversized villain Ursula was busy plotting yet another scheme to take over the underwater kingdom and imprison all the pretty young girls she hates, namely Ariel.

"**Hmm…what should I do today? I could try to make an evil potion to turn everyone into sea horses…no, I've already tried that…hmm…what if I disguise myself as a petty maiden and seduce the king…no, that proved ineffective when that spell failed to conceal my fatass…" **she contemplates out loud.

"**Or you could put some descent clothes on, madam…" **said a voice behind her.

"**Hmm…yeah…decent clothes…wait what?!!?"** Ursula says thoughtfully, before snapping out of her daydreaming and quickly turning around.

It was the dork and his Moogle, both wearing diving equipment.

"**Your outfit it showing way too much cleavage. Not appropriate for a children's television show. This is illegal, you know?"** the man says, pointing to her chest area.

"**Buzz off, small fry, before I zap you and your puny stuffed animal,"** Ursela says coldly toward the two. **"Who's to tell me what to wear anyways?"**

"**Why us of course. We are the law of the land, and thus, you must obey us,"** the dweeb tells her, holding up a laminated piece of paper to her.

"**What in the world is this?"** Ursula questions, taking a closer look at the paper shown to her.

"**It's a fine for 70,000,000 gold coins,"** the man reads.

"**Kupo,"** the Mog says, nodding in agreement.

"**That's it, I've had enough of you and your silly antics! I ought to knock your buck-teeth in, mister! ****Flotsam, Jetsam! Imprison these two fools!" **Ursela commands her two eels.

"**I'm afraid that will be quite impossible. You see, your beleoved eels are, how should I say…part of tonight's seafood menu," **the douchbag tells her.

"**Kupo!" **Mog adds, holding out a plate of deep fried eels for Ursela to see.

"**No!!! What have you done to them?!?!"** Ursela protests in horror of her two eels turned into dinner items.

"**You have the right to remain silent,"** the creep says, putting cuffs on Ursela's wrists and hauling her away.

"**Nooo!!!! This isn't fair! The system is biased I tell you! The children's parents are biased!!!"** Ursela pleads in protest.

* * *

**Hollow Bastion**

Back in Hollow Bastion, Cid and his crew continued to look up more news articles from around the Kingdom Hearts universe.

"**Hey guys, I found another one!"** Cid says to everyone. **"It reads 'Sea Witch Fined Seventy-Million gold Coins For Indecent Exposure',"** Cid reads out loud.

"**What?! Are you sure that's not a joke?"** Yuffie asks.

"**This is just too funny…I wonder if Scrooge McDuck is going to bail her out…"** Leon contemplates with a chuckle.

"**This is quite disturbing. Might I suggest we call Sora and his pals to look into this?"** Merlin asks.

Everyone in the room nods in agreement and start to make plans in contacting the notable hero.

* * *

** Looks like no one is safe from them! ****Send us your ideas and suggestions via a review and tell us who and where these jerk-asses will harass next! Stay tuned, and let the story continue. **


	4. Chapter 4: That's Illegal, Axel

**Chapter 4: That's Illegal, Axel**  
**

* * *

**

**Castle That Never Was**

* * *

It was a dark night, and two souls were the only ones still awake during the late-night hour. Outside the gargantuan castle were Axel and Roxas, having what seemed to be a friendly conversation with one another.

"**Wow, Axel, tell me more about how you became member of this organization,"** Roxas asks him, stating to yawn a little due to it being so late.

"**Maybe next time, kiddo. For now, how about we got up to my room and get some rest,"** Axel suggests to him.

"**To your room? Why there, I mean, I have my own…"** Roxas questions sleepily.

"**Don't worry, you'll be comfortable, especially right next to me…"** Axel says with a sinister grin.

Then, as you would expect, they came.

"**Hold it right there, pedophile!"** said the pencil-necked dork and his partner Mog.

Axel looks at the odd couple and raises an eyebrow. **"The hell are you two? And who are you calling a pedophile?"**

The dweeb pulls out a arrest warrant and shows it to him.

"**I've read fanfiction all over and see the numerous Axel-Roxas parings, and quite frankly, that's illegal, you know?"** the joker informs him.

"**Huh? What's that man talking about?"** Roxas questions Axel in shock.

"**Hey now! You're not gonna believe that crap, are you? Besides, I'm just letting him sleep with me until his room is finished being painted!" **Axel tells him, getting a little pissed off.

"**I'm afraid your words have no weight on the matter. My partner Mog here will now arrest you," **the doofus says as Mog breaks out the cuffs and proceeds to apprehend the red-haired man.

"**This is bullshit! Done in by fan-stories! When I get out of jail, I, Axel, will be coming after your sorry ass! Got that memorized?"** he yells as them before Mog hauls him away.

"**My my…didn't know the young man had such a potty mouth. Guess that's another filthy aspect of him I'll soon fix,"** the jerk says to Roxas.

"**So…what am I to do now? Am I in trouble too?"** Roxas asks him.

"**Not at all. But for now I'll have to have you placed in protective custody until future notice. You'll be staying with Cinderella's Evil Stepmother for the next year,"** the dipwad tells him.

"**WHAT?"** Roxas yelps in horror, his mouth hanging open as he is immediately taken away by the duo.

* * *

**Destiny Island**

**

* * *

**

Meanwhile on Destiny Island, Sora was napping under a palm tree when he got a cell phone call from Leon. He wakes up and answers with a yawn.

"**Hello?"**

"_Sora…this is Leon. We need you here. Something fishy is going on involving various people from the various worlds, and I want you to investigate."_

Sora sat up and stretches.

"**You got it, I'll be there soon,"** Sora says before hanging up.

He grabs his Keyblade and makes his journey back to Hollow Bastion to see what was going on.

* * *

**Wow…either these two just made things worse, or they actually did some justice…to an extent…**

**Send us your ideas and suggestions via a review and tell us who and where these douch-bags will harass next! Stay tuned, and let the story continue.**


	5. Chapter 5: That's Illegal, Aladdin

**Chapter 5: That's Illegal, Aladdin   
****Agrabah**

**

* * *

**

Flying through the starry night skies was three of Agrabah's heroes: Aladdin, Abu and Jasmine. Riding on top of their friend, the Magic Carpet, they soared through the air without a care in the world, enjoying a glorious night out together…

…That is, until that snot-nosed moron and his Moogle sidekick showed up on the scene. Riding another magic carpet, the dastardly duo rides along side of Aladdin and his friends.

"**Alright buster, pull over,"** the jerk tells them.

Aladdin instructs Carpet to stop so he could see what the heck this guy wanted.

"**Uh, can I help you?"** Aladdin asks, raising an eyebrow.

"**Indeed. You were violating public airspace policies by flying too fast and wildly. Can I see your license?"** the bully asks Aladdin.

"**License? I don't need a license to ride this,"** Aladdin protests.

"**O contraire, according to national policy, you need a license to operate all modes of group transportation, that includes carpets, boy. Not having a license and going past regulated speed limits, that's illegal you know?"** the jerk says to them.

"**What? This is just ridiculous!"** Jasmine says to the man.

"**And not to mention you kids being out past curfew. Oh, and I must also note that you don't have an I.D. tag for your pet monkey as well,"** the man adds, checking off a list on a paper he held in his hands. **"I'm afraid we're going to have to take you to the proper authorities."**

"**You must be a spy from Jafar or something, am I right?" **Aladdin questions, getting evermore angry at this knobby-kneed shmuck.

"**And what if we ****are?" **the man answers.

"**That's it, I'll just have to summon Genie and have him take care of you," **Aladdin says, reaching for his lamp…

…only to find it wasn't there.

Instead, Aladdin and his friends watch Mog take a cigarette it was smoking, and opens the lid, using the lamp as an ashtray.

How and when the Moogle got it was, again, beyond anyone's guess.

"**No, this can't be happening!"** Aladdin says as he, Jasmine, and Abu were all taken into custody. As for Carpet, it would soon meet its fate at the local fabric-shredding warehouse.

* * *

**Hollow Bastion**

As Cid, Leon, and the rest of the gang continue to monitor reports of some nitpicky jerkass going around and citing violations on everyone, Sora opens the doors and steps inside.

"**I'm here guys. Now, point me to where this guy is so I can take care of him,"** Sora says to everyone, Keyblade in hand.

* * *

**Send us your ideas and suggestions via a review and tell us who and where these douche-bags will harass next! Stay tuned, and let the story continue.**


	6. Chapter 6: That's Illegal, Lady Tremaine

**Chapter 6: That's Illegal, Evil Stepmother****  
Cinderella Castle**

* * *

Thunder crackled across the dark skies above. A kingdom lies drenched in a torrent of rain as the familiar duo of douchebags trudge along the empty streets. They arrive at their desired location: in front of Castle Cinderella.

Making their way inside though the front door, they head upstairs and around to the last bedroom down the hall. The door was already cracked, and so they proceed to step inside.

Sitting before them in the corner was the silhouette of a middle-aged woman. Her green eyes were the only things the creep and his moogle could make out, and the pair of eyes glared coldly back at them.

"**So, you finally arrived,"** said the woman, as she then reaches next to her and turns on the lamp.

It was Lady Tremaine, aka The Evil Stepmother.

"**Yes. So you understand why I'm here then? You abuse Cinderella and make her do all the housework without a word of thanks. As stated by the Child Labor ****Bureau, that's illegal, you know?"** the jerk states to her.

Lady Tremaine sips her cup of tea and glowers back at the duo.

"**Is that so? Well isn't that cute, I find it ironic that you two are trespassing on my property without a permit. That's illegal, you know?"** she says back to them.

"**How rude! Mog, show her the papers!"** the ass tells his partner.

Before Mog could reach into his jacket and pull out the permit, Lady Tremaine pulls out a pistol from her purse and points it at the duo.

"**Now, I'll give you ten seconds to leave my property, or else you'll be sleeping with the rats in the cellar,"** Lady Tremaine warns them.

The idiot adjusts his glasses and sneers at her challenge.

"**Are you threating a government official? You'll be going to jail for this!"** he warns her.

"**Try me,"** she replies, unmoved by his threats.

The moron and Mog both look at one another before turning to leave the room.

"**Don't think you've won, we'll be back soon!"** the dork tells her before leaving the premises.

Lady Tremaine smiles evilly, and picks up her rotary phone to give someone a call.

* * *

**Hollow Bastion**

* * *

Back at the HQ, Sora, Cid, and his friend's receive a incoming call. Cid presses a button on his control panel to answer it.

"_**Hello? This is Secret Informant #136, **__**Lady Tremaine. You-know-who has just left Cinderella Castle. He's heading east as we speak."**_

Cid turns around to Sora and nods.

**"You heard the evil step-woman. Go and stop that creep and his pet moogle on the double,"** he says to Sora.

"**Alright, will do. Um… by the way, how in the world did you get her, of all people, to work with you guys?"** Sora asks.

"**A lot of bribing. It was a sad display…"** Leon responds, darting a look over at Yuffie, suggesting that it was her idea.

Yuffie smiles back nervously from that statement.

* * *

**Wow, looks like someone finally stood up to them! Send us your ideas and suggestions via a review and tell us who and where these troublemakers will harass next! Stay tuned, and let the story continue.**


	7. Chapter 7: That's Illegal, Luxord

**Chapter 7: That's Illegal, Luxord**  
**Local Casino**

* * *

It was late night at a casino nestled with the center of a large unnamed city. At the Poker table, we find Organization XIII member, Luxord, playing a match with several other people.

"**Alright you unfortunate risk-takers, are you ready to lose your money?"** Luxord says to them as he reveals his hand to the dealer. **"Royal Flush again. Seems like luck is on my side,"** he says with a humbled grin, before letting out a laugh at his challenger's ignorance. **"Hey dealer, how about paying me out?"**

The dealer, who was disguised from head to toe, pulled off his outfit, revealing himself as the scrawny punk everyone hates. His partner, Mog, arrives on the scene seconds later in a security guard's outfit.

"**You are using time-manipulation tactics and techniques that are against house rules. That's illegal, you know?"** the wanker tells Luxord.

"**What? How dare you file false accusations upon me! I do not cheat, I only play with the grandest of intent of winning fairly,"** Luxard explains.

As Luxord spoke, Mog takes out a pair of scissors and cuts open Luxord's outfit, causing a ton of fixed playing cards to fall out onto the floor.

Luxord looks down at the ground and smiles in embarrassment.

"…**Whoops…"** Luxord said, caught in the act.

Luxord is promptly apprehended by Mog, and was taken outside for transportation to the nearest holding facility.

However, once outside, a lone figure stood before the jerk and his moogle.

It was Sora.

"**Alright kid, no looky-loos, out of the way,"** said the dork to Sora.

"**I'm not going anywhere. You and me are going to have a little talk,"** Sora tells him, pulling out his keyblade in the process.

* * *

**Uh oh! Sora and the two antagonists finally meet face to face! What will happen in this epic confrontation? Stay tuned, and let the story continue.**


	8. Chapter 8: That's Illegal, You Bastard!

**Chapter 8: That's Illegal, You Bastard!****  
****Outside The Local Casino**

* * *

Sora, having arrived at the scene of this jerk arresting Luxord, had to make a move and bring this guy and his Moogle to justice once and for all.

"**Well, what's it going to be? Are you going to give up this spree of arresting everyone without a good reason, or do I have to haul you back to Hallow Bastion by force?"** Sora warns the jerkass.

"**Heheh, my boy, you are dealing with forces beyond your control. Interfere and you'll get burned,"** the villain responds.

"**Not happening, whoever you are**," Sora shot back.

"**I do have a name you know. It's ****Maddox**," the dork responds**. "…Say…I just had an interesting idea…"** he then says, a wide grin spreading across his face.

"**What is it?"** Sora demands.

"**How about we play a little game? Luxord here is under my jurisdiction at the moment. Maybe he can buy his freedom with some luck. Or maybe you can apprehend both of us if Lady Luck is on your side. Are you game?"** Maddox asks.

Sora stayed silent. Whatever he was up to, he had to stay vigilant.

"**Go on…"** Sora responds.

* * *

**Inside The Local Casino**

* * *

Back inside the gambling lodge, Sora, Luxord, Maddox, and Mog stood around a blackjack table.

"**Here's the deal. We play a round of Blackjack. Luxord will be the dealer. If Luxord wins, he gets to go free of any charges. If I win, both of you will be arrested and halued back to my compound. If Sora wins, then he gets to do whatever he wishes to us. Deal?" **Maddox asks.

"**Fine by me. I never lose…" **Luxord responds, sounding confident.

"**Alright. But no cheating," **Sora tells them.

Luxord then proceeds to deal the cards out to everyone. Even Mog joined in on the game.

After acquiring all of the cards they wanted, each of them announced their hand.

"**19,"** Sora responds, laying his cards down on the table.

"**20,"** Luxord announced.

**"Kupo,"** Mog says, showing 17 as his hand.

"**21. Blackjack. I win. Oh, just thought I'd let you know, gambling with a government official is a federal offense. That's illegal, you know? You two are under arrest,"** Maddox says, pulling out his cuffs.

* * *

**Uh oh! They're in trouble now! What will happen next?**

**Send us your ideas and suggestions via a review and tell us who and where these douche-bags will harass next! Stay tuned, and let the story continue.**


	9. Chapter 9: That's Illegal, Maddox

**Chapter 9: That's Illegal, Maddox!****  
****Inside The Local Casino**

* * *

Having been defeated by Maddox in a game of Blackjack, Sora and Luxord faced arrest by the douchbag and his moogle. Without any means to retaliate without facing some sort of judicial retribution by this devious duo, our hero only had one option left.

"**RUN!"** Sora yells to Luxord, as both of them turn around and make a break for the casino's exit.

"**Get back here! I am the law, you cannot escape from me,"** shouted Maddox as he pulls out what looked like a gun from his pocket.

"**That's as far as you will go, you corrupt bastard!"** spoke a voice from behind.

"**What?!"** Maddox says in surprise, turning around to Sora's friends from Hallow Bastion there before him.

**"Hey Sora, you need some help here?"** said Cid, who stood alongside of Leon, Yuffie, and Merlin. Sora and Luxord stop and turn to see that help had arrived.

"**Man, am I glad to see you guys,"** Sora says with much relief.

**"I hate to admit it, but so am I. This individual is causing such a nuisance for Organization XIII and our evil brethren these past several days,"** Luxord states.

"**Say, Luxord, I'll make you a deal. You go release our allies and yours from imprisonment while we take care of Maddox and his Mog. We will deal with each other later,"** Sora suggests.

"…**Very well, sounds like a reasonable proclamation. I shall return as soon as possible,"** Luxord responds, exiting the scene to rescue the others.

**"This display of defiance goes beyond anything I have ever seen! You really think you can undo what I and Mog have worked so hard to accomplish?!"** Maddox says angrily, now pointing his gun at the heroes.

"**You haven't even told us who the heck you are and why you are arresting everyone for the dumbest reasons!"** Yuffie retorts, pointing an accusing finger at him.

Maddox laughs.

"**I hail from a land of absolute martial law. During my travels here, I became appalled at the lack of intervention between criminals and innocent citizens, so I myself decided to take actions in my own hands,"** Maddox reveals to everyone.

"**But what you're doing is illegal as well! You don't even have the right or the authority to do what you please in other realms such as ours,"** Merlin responds.

"**That's where you all are wrong. I have power and license to apprehend others, since I am a member of a prestigious counsel of law makers who has powers that reach all across the land,"** Maddox explains.

"**But why our realm of all places? Also, why these random persons? They have done nothing to amount to such fraudulent acts!"** Sora asks.

"**Simple, I need to fill my quota is all, or I lose my position. Can't let that happen, falling behind on your job is illegal, you know?"** Maddox responds.

"**Yer face is illegal, and we're going to remodel it when we're done with you!"** Cid warns, taking out his spear.

**"You leave me no choice,"** Maddox responds with a devious smile. **"Mog, destroy them!"**

* * *

**The final chapter is at hand! Stay tuned, and watch for the conclusion of this tale!**


End file.
